I've been on this thing a lot lately…No you didn't miss any posts, I just keep writing and never publishing the post. I forgot how therapeutic this blog was for me when Dad was still here. I remember after every appointment or big turn in events I would say, "Ok, I have to update the bloGgGgG!", usually in some goofy tone or another. Dad would ALWAYS say "That's great babe, but no rush, don't stress yourself out". He was always looking out for my best interest even in the seemingly smallest of moments. That is what a father is for, to look out for you always. I am so grateful today on Father's Day that I am able to celebrate my Dad, my father, and know that he is watching over me and all of us down here. I don't have much to write today, just to tell you those that have Dad's in reach hug them so tight that they become hypoxic [ok…nursing school is infiltrating my brain] and tell them you love them so many times that your words start to get scrambled. If your Dad isn't near, call him. Call him more than once and tell him how thankful you are for him and all the things you love about him. Make today, and everyday, one where you relish in their love because a Daddy's love is the most special gift in the world.
I wanted to include one of my "never make it to the blog posts". The last year, overall, we have been pretty strong, and that is what most people see when we talk about Dad. Speaking for myself, his time in my life filled me with such joy that its hard not to smile and be happy when I think of him. We are human though and we do have our days. The one year anniversary (June 1) was definitely one of those days for me. Actually, I am going to turn it into a week because I truly felt so many things that I needed to feel, and hadn't felt for the sake of trying to be strong for everyone else that week.
"Whewww, it has been a while. I have had the urge to write here a lot the last year, but every time I opened the blog it was like a 100mph wind of memories hit me in the face and I would get caught up reminiscing instead of writing.
One year. One year? The past few weeks I say "one year" to myself and just shake my head in disbelief that a full year has gone by since Dad's passing. Part of it doesn't feel real, like its still been just a few hours since I have talked to him. Then, the other part feels like I lived my whole life in present time and then after he died I have just been in this dream waiting to wake up. To be honest, it is like constantly having a piece of your insides missing. You always know how much your loves ones mean to you, but its hard to realize how much they are entangled into your being until they aren't there anymore.
And thats not to say that Dad isn't here, because he is and I see him every day. I see him in the sunrise and sunsets, with me in the joys and hardships of life, I feel him in the wind, I know he is singing with me when our songs come on, and every time I see a plane I tell him to have a safe flight. We have all been extremely blessed the last year to have so many occurrences where we feel Dad and know he is there. I hope you all feel his spirit as much as we do. Dad truly lived an exemplary life"
That was as far as I got before I could no longer see my computer screen. I don't write this as a sob story, but as a reminder to FEEL everything you can and need to feel in this life. It is SO important. I feel like I have had so many loved ones go through hardship the last year and if I had any advice at all it would be to feel those feelings along the way.
Daddy- I love you SO much and am so blessed that you are watching over us. We celebrate you and your infinite love today, my most precious angel. Happy Fathers Day <3
