Celebrating Our Angel

We were able to celebrate Dad's life on July 15th and it was nothing short of wonderful. It was incredible to see so many of Dad's friends and family from all parts of his life come out to honor and celebrate him. I was so glad to be able to meet many of you and reconnect with many others. Although we all already knew how special Dad was, it was even more apparent that night listening to the speeches and stories you all shared with us. Dad sure did let us know he was present, we had a MASSIVE storm at the golf club that night. The rain knocked down tree pots and even brought out a snake! Thank you again to all that attended physically and in spirit, and thank you for loving Dad!

If you didn't get to attend, this is the link to the slideshow !

With it now being three months today since Dad's passing, I hope you are all feeling his presence as much as I am. I can't say it has been easy and I miss him everyday but I know with all my heart he is with us and watching over us. There has been so many instances but the most recent was last night while at dinner with some girlfriends I picked up a pad of paper filled with quotes. The first one that I opened to was the quote I got tattooed right before Dad passed. I couldn't help but smile and know he was next to me in that very moment.

Kristen started teaching for Teach for America here in Phoenix in August. She is teaching 8th grade Reading at Bicentennial North and although those kids can be challenging I know she is going to make a huge difference in their lives. I am so excited to see where TFA takes her personally and professionally!

I started nursing school last week which was very exciting! The first day was very bittersweet and emotional as I couldn't help but to reflect on the past year and my journey to get there and honestly just the realization that I made it there. My school is right by MD Anderson so I stopped to see Kristine (chemo nurse), Juanita, and Sonija (Dad's blood work ladies) after my first day...something I had been wanting to do since Dad passed away. Kristine was the reason I wanted to become a nurse so I just had to stop by and thank her for inspiring me. It was such a blessing to be able to sit down and talk with all of them and see that Dad had made just as much of an impact on them as they did on him.

Mom and I have had many laughs the past few months sorting through mail that comes for Dad. The most recent was Dad being summoned for jury duty. Although I am sure he would have been thrilled to attend, Mom let them know he wouldn't make it and attached his death certificate. Dad received this letter in the mail last week:

Thank you Maricopa County, we will be sure to pass this on to him. :)

I am so grateful to Mom. She has been so great in organizing all of the details that you have to deal with after someone dies. I would be lost without her that is for sure! She had a great last month at work flying with some of her "besties". I can only imagine the hell they raised on those trips :)

A friend wrote a post earlier this week remembering her husband who had passed four years earlier that brought me so much joy and a change in perspective. She wrote "four years without you... and yet four years closer to you." And how incredibly true. It is so easy to focus on the time that has passed without Dad here on earth, but we are now 3 months closer to reuniting with him in eternal life. Cheers to you today Daddy, we love and miss you and thank you for watching over us each day.

5 more days!

Hi all!

We are looking forward to seeing everyone Monday to celebrate the beautiful life of Dad! Cindy has kindly set up a website where you can watch the whole thing live online if you cannot be here with us physically. The website is www.ojalexander.com

As a reminder, Dad's Celebration of Life will be held on Monday July 15, 2013 from 5-7 pm at The Foothills Golf Club. The address is 2201 E Clubhouse Dr  Phoenix, AZ 85048

 If you have any questions, please let us know!

-Layne

A Celebration of Life

Let's Celebrate an AMAZING Life!!

Layne has asked me to do a guest blog for her as she is in the middle of moving....so I hope you will all understand if this blog is not quite up to 'par'.

We have finalized the plans for OJ's Celebration of Life and hope you can make it and help pay tribute to OJ. It will be held Monday, July 15, 2013 from 5:00-7:00 pm at the Foothills Golf Clubhouse, 2201 E. Clubhouse Dr., Phoenix, AZ 85048. Please wear casual attire, as OJ would shake his head if everyone was dressed to the nines....especially in the Arizona Summer heat! We are asking for you to take the time to write down your favorite memory, or favorite OJ story, and make two copies. Those stories will then be put into two very large 'memory jars' - one for each of the girls.

It has been three weeks since we lost OJ and we have been overwhelmed by the amount of love, support, compassion and kindness we have been shown. Each and every card and gesture has meant the world, so thank you all for being so kind. Speaking for the three of us, we have good days, and some not so good days. One of the hardest things is learning to live with a 'new normal'.....as the past 18 months revolved around appointments, scans, chemo days and the absolute roller coaster of emotions that a cancer journey will take you through. And then suddenly, it is over. And just as suddenly, a very large part of your life is missing.....so, one day at a time, we are doing our best to move forward. I am so extremely proud of Layne and Kristen, as they are handling everything with  grace and maturity far beyond their years.....just as their Daddy would have wanted.

We hope to see you on the 15th - if you have any questions, please feel free to call. If you are unable to attend but would like to share a memory for the girls, please feel free to e-mail it to me at swastew@msn.com - I will print them and make sure Layne and Kristen have copy.

Thank you all for being such an integral part of the journey we have been on - we could not have done it without you!

Much Love,

LouAnn

RIP Daddy

As most of you know by now, our sweet warrior joined God's kingdom on June 1st at 5:40pm. He fought so hard through his whole battle and all with a smile. We are so comforted in the fact that he is now out of pain and doing everything he loves in Heaven, including watching over his many loved ones.

Dad had an incredible life, he did and accomplished more than many people could ever dream. Even though his life was "cut short", he did so much LIVING in that life that I know with all my heart he left earth fulfilled and with no regrets.

Dad declined very quickly the last week, both physically and mentally. With all the politics of hospice and insurance, he wasn't able to go to a hospice facility until the day he passed. I got to ride with Dad in the transport van to The Dobson House (his hospice facility) and although he couldn't verbally say it, I know he wanted to say "who the hell is driving this thing"...because they really sucked! The Dobson House was a beautiful facility, Dad had his own private room, bathroom, patio, and direct TV. When Dad got settled, everyone let me have some alone time with him. I grabbed his hand and told him it was me and he smiled the biggest smile and started squeezing my hand like he always used to do. The second time he smiled was when I told him Kristen made it safely to North Carolina and was going to go see Nan. He loved Kristen and I more than anything in the world and it was apparent even in his last few hours. I made the decision after that conversation that I didn't want to be there when he passed. It was the hardest decision I ever made, but I wanted those two smiles to be what I remembered from that day and I know he would have a harder time passing if I was there. He was always protecting Kristen and I. He died peacefully a few hours later with Uncle John, Mom, and Cindy around him.

When we started this journey almost a year and a half ago and decided to do the blog, we wanted to be as real as possible with no sugar coating. We wanted to give those who chose to read the blog a big glimpse of what it was like to go through cancer, hoping it would educate and touch people in whatever way they needed it to. I remember a month or so after we started the blog, we were at Dr. Siever's office and Dad was telling him about the blog. He said, with that big OJ smile, "Hey, the blog has 600 views! Popularrrrrrrr!" Looking at it today and seeing almost 16,000 views, it is obvious just how many people loved him.

We have decided to not do a funeral, but a celebration of life. We are going to wait until July when Kristen can come back from her TFA training and give people time to book flights if they so choose. We don't have an exact date but as soon as we know I will post another update. There are so many people to thank for various things but there are a few in particular:

Kristen: My other half. You were so special to Dad, words can never describe that. He always lit up when he saw you and got to talk to you. Watching you grow into the beautiful woman you are today kept him strong and proud and I know that he is with you every moment of this new journey you are on. I know leaving was the hardest thing in the world for you but Dad (and all of us) are so proud of you for following your dreams and not let anything hold you back. Love you sissy.

*Side note to all of the readers out there. Kristen and I had an AWESOME road trip across the country. It was filled with laughter, singing, food, and a lot of driving. When we got to New Orleans we decided to get tattoos for Dad since we have breast cancer ribbons for Mom. Well when we sent our family the picture everyone freaked out momentarily, except Dad (might of been the oxy though :) ).

Mom: My mom has been such a rock for all of us, including Dad. Having been through this twice herself, she knew a lot of the terminology and what we needed to do. Mom and Dad have been divorced for many years now but managed to keep a solid friendship, which confused many people including the doctors. Mom and Dad collectively taught me and many others that love is not always something you can define and comes in many different forms and for that I am incredibly grateful. Thank you Mom for standing by Dad through it all until his last breath.

Uncle John: You have truly shown us what the word family means. I can't tell you how great it was for Dad, and all of us, to have you here on a weekly basis. Even if it was 4 days of watching TV, it was always the best part of Dad's week to be able to spend time with you. Thanks for always being there for us, we love you.

Cindy: I cannot express my gratitude for the selfless act of love you showed Dad. Thank you for caring for him even in his weakest moments and taking the time off work to do so. I know Dad was so blessed to have you there doing whatever needed to be done, these last few months especially.

Cunningham: My Dad's favorite golf partner and best friend. Dad cherished his time with you with every bone in his body. Being able to fly, golf, and just spend time with you was his favorite. I have never met a more genuine man and I thank you for being such a great friend. Listen for him on the golf course because you KNOW he will be correcting your swing from up there!

Kevin McShea: It is so rare to find great friends, especially ones that stick with you since high school. I have never seen tears roll down Dad's face from laughter as much as I did when you two were together. I know he loved the time he got to spend with you, especially driving with the music on high.

There is a million and one more people I could give shout out's to, but just know we are so grateful for all of you that touched Dad's life in one way or another. He was truly one of a kind and we will all miss him so much, but he is always in our hearts.



OJ Alexander 4/21/1954-6/1/2013 <3<3<3



I'm Not Retarded! I Have Cancer!

Well where do I begin!? It blows my mind how fast time flies. Especially now that it has been two hours since I wrote the previous two sentences :). Here is the recap from the last 2 weeks:

• Dr. Siever drained a liter of fluid from dad's pleural cavity. That is the amount of fluid that had accumulated in about 2.5 weeks since he was released from the hospital. To make this appointment really exciting, I fainted in the middle of the procedure. It was our most eventful appointment yet! The procedure, although only temporary, really made Dad feel better and more importantly breath better.

The excitement

A whole liter of fluid

The yellow portion on the left is the pleural cavity where Dad's fluid is accumulating. The right is a normal lung

• This past week Dad had a PET scan. We met with Dr. Reuss (cardiologist) two days later and she let us know that we were essentially out of options. The cancer has spread and we are left with the options of hospice and chemo (which I will talk about later). The fluid around the heart is metastatic (cancerous) and with the hard, scar tissuey (totally know that isn't a word) pericardium, the heart and lymph system aren't working properly. Dad is in a state of cachexia (also called wasting syndrome) where basically the cancer is using all of the energy Dad is getting from his food. It makes people lose weight and appetite, fatigued, and weak. Although it wasn't the easiest appointment, Dr. Reuss was very honest, informative, and compassionate. While examining Dad she said "Your sentences are good!" and Dad replied with "I'm not retarded! I have cancer!" with the most real look on his face. The whole room was laughing and it is one of my favorite moments to date. 
• Friday we met with Dr. Ejadi (chemo doctor). He talked a lot about what Dad could or could not do, what might or might not work for the first 25 minutes before stating that he didn't think chemo was a good idea. It was one of the first times that I really snapped back because I didn't understand why we were talking about chemo if he wasn't going to recommend it. Long story short, Dad is really not eligible for chemo, he is too weak. He also does not meet the criteria for a clinical trial. He could get a biopsy this week which would test for some other specific markers that might help but that takes 2-3 weeks just to process and Dad needs to decide if he feels strong enough to do it. 

Our favorite thing to do

Our warrior <3

From all of our appointments we have decided to bring hospice in. It is not us giving up on Dad but making sure that he has the access to care and meds that keep him out of pain. They have been great so far and have altered his medications to help him stay out of pain. The nurses and doctors are always on call and will come out whenever we need. They do not think Dad is ready to go to a hospice facility at the moment so until then we are watching a whole lot of old TV shows that were made way before I was born and doing whatever the heck we want :) Dad still has his "OJ" spirit and that beautiful glimmer in his eyes when we laugh. We have been so blessed to spend so much time together as a family, we couldn't ask for anything more!

Tonight was our last night together as a family for a while...Kristen is moving to South Carolina for Teach for America tomorrow! Kristen and I are driving out there just like Thelma and Louise (watch out world...seriously though, clear the road) and we are so excited. We will miss her so much, but we could not be more proud of her for going after her dreams and making them a reality.

Family <3

The Warrior Life

Hi all, TGIF :)

Well it has been an eventful two weeks here for the Alexander's...the most exciting thing being my baby sister graduated from ASU! We are all so proud of her and cannot wait to see her flourish in South Carolina working for Teach for America! She is going to rock it! We were so blessed to be able to celebrate her graduation with Uncle John and our cousins, this week was a blast! There were a lot of laughs, and a lot of fireball.

Proud Parents

Family love <3

Our cousins James, Blake, and JJ with Kristen

The whole Family!

So proud.

Well Dad has not been feeling too great the last few weeks. After his birthday we had a few appointments with Dr. Ejadi (chemo doc), Dr. Ruess (cardiologist), and Dr. Kaskey (surgeon).
1. Dr. Ruess's office did another EKG on the Monday the 29th. We didn't get to see Dr. Ruess but they said they would call us.

2. Tuesday the 30th we first met with Dr. Kaskey. His PA checked all the places where the tubes were, took out some stitches and said they were all healing well. She showed us how to properly bandage dad's right "wound" because it was still seeping but it was not a point of concern. What we were concerned about was the swelling dad still had. His legs and arms and abdomen were still very large (4+ on a 1-4 scale). While we were asking about it Dr. Kaskey came in. He ironically had just gotten off the phone with Dr. Ruess who told him that she thinks Dad has constrictive pericarditis. Constrictive pericarditis is when the pericardium essentially turns to scar tissue, restricting the heart from beating properly. Dr. Kaskey said that he thinks the world of Dr. Ruess but is also a little hesitant to officially diagnose Dad with it. In his many years of being a surgeon he said that it is extremely rare and he personally has not seen it happen to someone after a pericardial effusion (what he did to Dad a few weeks ago in the hospital) They put dad back on coltrazine and increased his lasiks to see if that would reduce the inflammation around the heart as well as the swelling. If that doesn't work the only way to fix constrictive pericarditis is with open heart surgery and to remove the pericardium from around the heart.

3. We met with Dr. Ejadi later that day to discuss treatment options. The main issue we decided we needed to focus on was the heart issue and after that we could focus on chemo. In the meantime he wanted to get another lung biopsy so he could get a specific chemo regimen put together. He prescribed Dad some oxygen so now he has his own personal oxygen generator!

Since then Dad's swelling has gone down but his breathing is getting worse and his appetite is very small. We met with Dr. Ejadi yesterday and went over Wednesday's CT scan. The scan showed that Dad's lungs have fluid in them again and they are about half full of fluid. The fluid in his lungs legs and abdomen has basically become gel. Without proper circulation (which stems from proper heart function) the fluid in the body will turn into a gel form, similar to how a drop of blood becomes sticky after a cut. If the fluid is gel, then the only way to remove it is to put tubes back in his lungs. As of right now Dad does not want to go back into the hospital so we are continuing the oxygen and pain killers (oxy and vicodin and a pain patch for his back) to keep him comfortable. Even through all of his pain he still has the smile of an angel which is one of the infinite reasons why he is our hero.

I know many of you have been calling Dad to check with him and chat but the phone calls make it hard for him to breathe so if you'd like to send your love feel free to text him or call one of us. We cannot thank you all enough for your continuous love and support, it has been such a blessing for all of us. I will update again in the next few days but until then please keep our warrior in your prayers. Love you all.

My 24th birthday dinner

Best Buds

Caitlin and Dad with his NEW 2013 Masters hat! Thank you to the Hollidays <3

Happy Birthday Dad!

Happy Birthday Dad!!! Yesterday (April 21st) was Dad's birthday, and oh what a great day we had!! Dad's BFF Kevin and Uncle John flew in this weekend which was SO wonderful, it was just non stop laughter yesterday. Dad wanted to go big this year for his birthday so we got tickets to the Joe Bonamassa concert. Before the concert we ordered in NYPD pizza and feasted like kings.

My favorite picture

<3

We love Uncle John!

Dad and Kevin

Best bros

Happy Birthday!

Well we didn't have any ordinary experience at the concert, let me tell you! After security escorted us all to the front of the ticket line, we took our seats in the SECOND row! Oh yeah, and it was awesome. We were so close we could see Joe Bonamassa's chest hair! I am sure by now most of you are wondering who Joe Bonamassa is...because lets be honest I had never heard of him until we decided to do this. Dad likes to say he is "the next Eric Clapton", and after seeing the concert I believe it! What an incredible guitarist and singer.

So excited

At the end of the concert, Joe threw his guitar pic and Dad got it!!! So great

Dad has been taking it easy since he has been home. He is still draining fluid out of where he had the chest tube in the right lung. Anytime he laughs or coughs fluid will seep out of the wound! Better out than in :) Since it has been leaking so much we started to use maxi pads vs. gauze to cover the wound and its working great! I bet Dad never thought he would ever have to use a maxi pad hahah :) Dad had an appointment with Dr. Siever today. Everything is looking "satisfactory" but after all he went through the last few weeks that is ok. He said he needs to exercise and eat which I'm sure will help with his swelling (yes he is still swollen :( ) 

We have a few more doctor's appointments lined up the next few weeks, but until then we are taking things day by day! Each day is a blessing and one that he gains more strength than the previous day. Have a great week!

Happy birthday Daddy, we love you!!

Ps...the spot on Dad's shirt is not fluid seepage...but instead pizza grease...just another sign of a great feast :)